Archive for the 'Humor' Category

05
Jun
16

Why is Chewbacca Mask Lady so funny to Adults, but not kids?

I saw a post on Imgur about a Chewbacca mask that you could buy. I went and researched it and saw that it became famous because of a “Laughing Chewbacca Mask Lady.” I had to watch. (NOTE: just watch half way through, the first half isn’t the funny part).

I figured it would be funny… but not that gut-wrenching funny! I haven’t laughed like that in a very, very, long time. I literally cried. Cried. AT WORK!

I started watching other people’s reaction videos and most of them had the same reaction as me – cracking at the seams.

Then I came across a video where a dad watches it with his kids. Shown below:

And I found it interesting that the kids generally didn’t find it funny. I’d guess that if they watched it alone and didn’t have any laughing stimulus from dad then they would have barely cracked a smile. So I started thinking, what made this so incredibly funny to adults but almost irrelevant to kids?

The only thing I could think of is that the thing that is funny about this isn’t her laugh but rather the situation of the laughter and how crazy it gets. As adults we are always forced to be pillars of seriousness. Seldom do we just lose ourselves to laughter. Sure, we might laugh but never do we laugh so hard that we can’t stop laughing. So to see another adult find pure, unadulterated joy to where they couldn’t stop laughing over something as silly as a toy mask for a good 2 minutes is just pure joy to everyone. It doesn’t hurt that her laugh is contagious.

But for kids, they don’t quite have the life experience of “being and adult” so they don’t understand how silly this whole thing is nor do they understand how much adults probably envy her just losing it for once. To them it is just some lady laughing in a mask like a mad-woman.

Another way to think about it is if someone tells a joke you don’t get (either over your head or inside-joke) and everyone that is “in” on the joke thinks it is funny while you are lost on the outside because you don’t quite know what it means. You might chuckle a little at other people, but you don’t relate to the joke. I think the same thing is going on here with the kids – they just can’t relate to Chewbacca Mask Lady like adults do.

What do you think?

Also, on a side note… can you watch the video without laughing?

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23
Mar
15

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Pardon the language in this article, but I thoroughly enjoyed this article. All of us, me especially, could learn a bit about caring less about things that don’t matter so that we can direct our energies towards people and things that do matter.

Original article by Mark Manson found here.

In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference.

People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply “not give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like “Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasn’t going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.”

Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own “didn’t give a fuck” hall of fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.

Now, while not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.

The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.

Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?

This is the problem, my friend.

Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.

Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty fucking easy.

What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People aren’t just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we’re born giving way too many fucks. Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? Exactly. Fuck that kid.

Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions.

This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in by life’s mean trivialities, steamrolled by its unimportant dramas; we live and die by the sidenotes and distractions and vicissitudes that suck the fucks out of us like Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang.

This is no way to live, man. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together. And here, allow me to fucking show you.

Subtlety #1: Not Giving A Fuck Does Not Mean Being Indifferent; It Means Being Comfortable With Being Different

When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms.

This is misguided. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.

My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.

But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, “No, screw that mom, we’re going to lawyer the fuck up and go after this asshole. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck. I will ruin this guy’s life if I have to.”

This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, “Damn, watch out, Mark Manson just don’t give a fuck,” we don’t mean that Mark Manson doesn’t care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that Mark Manson doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write about himself in third person and use the word ‘fuck’ in an article 127 different times just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He just doesn’t give a fuck.

This is what is so admirable — no, not me, dumbass — the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs. They say “Fuck it,” not to everything in life, but rather they say “Fuck it” to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. And an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.

Subtlety #2: To Not Give A Fuck About Adversity, You Must First Give A Fuck About Something More Important Than Adversity

Eric Hoffer once wrote: “A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people’s business.”

The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don’t have anything more fuckworthy to dedicate their fucks to.

Think for a second. You’re at a grocery store. And there’s an elderly lady screaming at the cashier, berating him for not accepting her 30-cent coupon. Why does this lady give a fuck? It’s just 30 cents.

Well, I’ll tell you why. That old lady probably doesn’t have anything better to do with her days than to sit at home cutting out coupons all morning. She’s old and lonely. Her kids are dickheads and never visit. She hasn’t had sex in over 30 years. Her pension is on its last legs and she’s probably going to die in a diaper thinking she’s in Candyland. She can’t fart without extreme lower back pain. She can’t even watch TV for more than 15 minutes without falling asleep or forgetting the main plotline.

So she snips coupons. That’s all she’s got. It’s her and her damn coupons. All day, every day. It’s all she can give a fuck about because there is nothing else to give a fuck about. And so when that pimply-faced 17-year-old cashier refuses to accept one of them, when he defends his cash register’s purity the way knights used to defend maidens’ virginities, you can damn well bet granny is going to erupt and verbally hulk smash his fucking face in. Eighty years of fucks will rain down all at once, like a fiery hailstorm of “Back in my day” and “People used to show more respect” stories, boring the world around her to tears in her creaking and wobbly voice.

If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you — your ex-girlfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another 2-for-1 sale on hand sanitizer — chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer.

In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. As my father used to say, “Fucks don’t grow on trees, Mark.” OK, he never actually said that. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Fucks are cultivated like a beautiful fucking garden, where if you fuck shit up and the fucks get fucked, then you’ve fucking fucked your fucks all the fuck up.

Subtlety #3: We All Have A Limited Number Of Fucks To Give; Pay Attention To Where And Who You Give Them To

When we’re young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting. And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks. We give a fuck about everything and everyone — about what people are saying about us, about whether that cute boy/girl called us back or not, about whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is.

As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives. Those people’s opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We’ve found the love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections cease to mean much anymore. We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others.

Essentially, we become more selective about the fucks we’re willing to give. This is something called ‘maturity.’ It’s nice, you should try it sometime. Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy. As Bunk Moreland said in The Wire (which, fuck you, I still downloaded it) to his partner Detective McNulty: “That’s what you get for giving a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a fuck.”

Then, as we grow older and enter middle age, something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change what now seems inevitable in our lives.

And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. We realize that we’re never going to cure cancer or go to the moon or feel Jennifer Aniston’s tits. And that’s OK. Life fucking goes on. We now reserve our ever-dwindling fucks only for the most truly fuckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends, our golf swing. And to our astonishment, this is enough. This simplification actually makes us really fucking happy.

Then somehow, one day, much later, we wake up and we’re old. And along with our gum lines and our sex drive, our ability to give a fuck has receded to the point of non-existence. In the twilight of our days, we carry out a paradoxical existence where we no longer have the energy to give a fuck about the big things in life, and instead we must dedicate the few fucks we have left to the simple and mundane yet increasingly difficult aspects of our lives: where to eat lunch, doctors appointments for our creaky joints, 30-cent discounts at the supermarket, and driving without drifting to sleep and killing a parking lot full of orphans. You know, practical concerns.

Then one day, on our deathbed, (hopefully) surrounded by the people we gave the majority of our fucks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a fuck about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last fuck go. Through the tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the ever-dimming fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some unknowable and unfuckable place.


24
Jul
13

What Does The Internet Do To Our Brains?

A week ago I wrote about removing myself from Facebook. It is part of a personal project to regain my humanity.

But what does the internet really do to us?

If you look around like me you would think we are coming to a world of hovering sloths akin to the people in Wall-E crossed with a world of Idiocracy and Atlas Shrugged politics.

I kind of agree with the genius autistic kid Jacob Barnett who’s parents were once told he would never talk yet has gone on to challenge Einstein on his theory of relativity and is on track for a Nobel Prize – you need to quit soaking up all the books and listening to what everyone tells you and start exploring and realizing the world around you on your own terms. Humans are amazing in what we can do but if we use things like the internet to use as an intellectual crutch then we will never be able to fully rationalize the world around us.

18
Jun
11

Judgment–before the ACLU was established

Original here.

The following is a verbatim transcript of a sentence imposed upon a defendant convicted of murder in the Federal District Court of the Territory of New Mexico many years ago by a United States Judge, sitting at Taos in an adobe stable used as a temporary courtroom:

“Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, in a few short weeks it will be spring. The snows of winter will flee away, the ice will vanish, and the air will become soft and balmy. In short, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, the annual miracle of the years will awaken and come to pass, but you won’t be there.

The rivulet will run its soaring course to the sea, the timid desert flowers will put forth their tender shoots, the glorious valleys of this imperial domain will blossom as the rose. Still, you won’t be here to see.

From every tree top some wild woods songster will carol his mating song, butterflies will sport in the sunshine, the busy bee will hum happy as it pursues its accustomed vocation, the gentle breeze will tease the tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, will be glad, but you. You won’t be here to enjoy it because I command the Sheriff or some other officer of the country to lead you out to some remote spot, swing you by the neck from a knotting bough of some sturdy oak, and let you hang until you are dead.

And then, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, I further command that such officer or officers retire quickly from your dangling corpse, that vultures may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body until nothing shall remain but bare, bleached bones of a cold-blooded, copper-colored, blood-thirsty, throat- cutting, chili-eating, sheep-herding, murdering son-of-a-bitch.”

United States of America v. Gonzales (1881), United States District Court, New Mexico Territory Sessions.

15
Jun
10

Ohio’s “Football Jesus” burns down: A sign from God?

For some time now I’ve had a hard time classifying what my religious beliefs are. I believe in God and believe in Jesus, but I fully understand and admit that both are unprovable – I go by faith. With that said, I am a “bad Christian” and even so I pretty much to call myself a “Christian” because I feel my beliefs are different enough from “the Church” to not be called that.

With that said, as some of you know, I am against wasteful government spending. However, I am also very much against wasteful church spending. The basis of the Christian church centers around Jesus and Jesus never had a “church.” He just preached. Somehow today we feel the need to have large mega-million dollar churches to “belong” and “believe” in a religion. Why not spend that money on feeding the poor and providing care for the less fortunate instead of building the ampetheater, baseball diamonds, and three-tier 10k stadium seating sanctuary?

In any case, the other day the “Touchdown Jesus” burned down due to a lightning strike. I can’t help but think that this is some sort of sign – quit worshiping idols and other materialistic things.

Below in the news, here.

MONROE — The large Jesus statue iconic to Interstate 75 in Monroe was destroyed following an apparent lightning strike during a thunderstorm.

Motorists were stopped along the highway and around the Monroe area to watch the 62-foot King of Kings statue burn. The fire was reported at 11:15 p.m. Monday, June 14. Within minutes, all that was left was the steel frame of the statue at Solid Rock Church, 904 N. Union Road.

Church member Cassie Browning, 27, of Dayton, said she was driving north on I-75 on her way back from Tennessee when they noticed the statue was missing. “It meant so much to so many people,” Browning said.

“It’s crazy,” said Ted Williams, 35, of Monroe, who could see the statue ablaze from a Shell gas station along Ohio 63.

When crews arrived, the statue was fully engulfed and had spread to the nearby amphitheater of the church, according to Monroe Fire Chief Mark Neu. There were no reports of injuries.

As of 1:45 a.m., the fire was contained to the attic area of the amphitheater. No damage estimate will be available until 10 a.m. today, according to a Monroe fire release issued early this morning.

Since its completion in 2004, the statue, which appeared to come out of a pond in front of the church, was known by multiple nicknames, including “Touchdown Jesus.” It also was known as “Big Butter Jesus” after comedian Heywood Banks referred to it as such and created a song about the statue, which he performed on radio’s popular “The Bob and Tom Show.”

The statue was constructed of wood and styrofoam over a steel framework that was anchored in concrete and covered with a fiberglass mat and resin exterior, according to the church. It was slated to undergo renovations this summer.

Crews responded from Monroe, Middletown, Liberty Twp., Deerfield Twp. and Trenton, according to dispatchers.

Messages left at the church were not immediately returned.

18
Mar
10

Congress to Squash Donna’s Dream?

NJ Woman Eats Her Way to “World’s Fattest”

A New Jersey woman has a big fat goal: To eat her way to the title of “World’s Fattest Woman.”

The already 600-pound Donna Simpson of Old Bridge, N.J., has 400 pounds to go and plans to reach the 1,000-pound mark in the next two years, reports the New York Post.

She plans to eat 12,000 calories a day, which is at least 2,000 more calories than Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps consumes during his training. The only difference is he burns 3,000 calories each day during that time.

But eating that much is expensive — as much as a $750-a-week budget. So what’s a girl to do? Get men to pay her to eat, of course.

Simpson, 42, who already has a boyfriend (who’s only 150 pounds) has found other men that are willing to pay to watch her eat burgers, fries, cakes, chips, and 70-pieces of sushi at a time, on her Web site [NSFW].

On SupersizedBombshells.com [NSFW], Simpson goes by the name Treasure, and lists some of her hobbies as “eating, going to restaurants, snuggling and being fed.”

Treasure also wishes for her admirers to give her “food and gift certificates from any restaurant.”

Fans can download videos of her eating for just $11. They can also see more photos of her by paying a $15 monthly membership fee.

Despite the fact that Simpson cannot easily walk and uses a motorized scooter to get around, she says that she is healthy.

Simpson already holds the Guinness World Record for the fattest mother, ever since she gave birth to her daughter Jacqueline in 2007. Simpson was only 532 pounds then.

“I’d love to be 1,000 pounds,” Simpson told the Post. “It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down.”

Simpson met her 49-year-old boyfriend Phillipe, who encourages her to eat more, on a dating site for plus-size people, reports the London Telegraph.

“I think he’d like it if I was bigger,” she told the Post. “He’s a real belly man, and completely supports me.”

I wonder how long before Congress takes notice and places something in this healthcare bill to specifically limit Donna’s calorie intake?

You think I’m kidding? Just wait. She will be the poster child of the health care bill in how they need to “control the food industry so they don’t make such unhealthy food.”

14
Mar
10

White House Double Standards: Illegal Aliens

The double standards of the White House on illegal immigration.




Quotes:

"We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth... For my part, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst; and to provide for it." - Patrick Henry

"Politicians and diapers both need to be changed, and for the same reason." - Anonymous

"Right is right, even if everyone is against it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." - William Penn

"Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country" - Hermann Goering

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do this I keep on doing." - Romans 7:18-19

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

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